Clothing is Optional - Another Episode

Okay, so if you have read my previous posts, you would recall that clothing is optional at my house. It is normal routine for both Seth and daddy to strip down to their boxer briefs the moment that they enter the house. Usually TJ's clothes are covered with 'something' from work, so he changes immediately. However, Seth has just gotten in the habit if being comfortable and runs around barely dressed on most occasions. Well this past Sunday, Seth took his habit to a new level.....while attending a birthday party for another 4-year old, Seth decided that it was okay to strip down and bare all to the party goers. Granted, it was just the hostess and myself who were actually blessed with this show of inhibition; but none the less, he felt comfortable enough to run half naked in someone else's home. At first, I was shocked and just stared at him in disbelief. I was holding a sleeping Karah, so the hostess graciously corralled him back into this clothing. A stunned 6-year old emerged from the bathroom just in time to see Seth streaking and replied with "What the????". I was sure that the chaos has settled down and Mr. Seth would abide by the clothing rules, but I should never underestimate a toddler. A few minutes later, we heard giggling and Seth came running back through the house undressed. At this point, Karah was awake, so I sat her on the floor and scooped up the little monster and we got dressed for a second time and then we left. No one seemed phased by his actions, so I took the experience with a grain of salt and left with my dignity. He is only 4 years old...after all.

Infomercial Addict

My name is Julie and I am a 'Shop-A-Holic'.

I have actually toned down my shopping sprees and rarely splurge on anything unless I have the cash in hand....which is true about today's purchase! WEN Healthy Haircare System!

After my body transformation is complete in May, I will need sexy hair to go along with my sexy body! Speaking of hair....my hubby thinks that I need to get a Brazilian Wax?!?!?!? We were watching Real Life Housewives of Orange County and Vicki treated her assistant to a makeover, which included a Brazilian Wax. The hubby was not familiar with these aesthetic treatments, so I enlightened him. Well, now he thinks that I need to 'try it out' just once. I am not sure that my pain threshold will allow for me to voluntarily have someone rip the hair outta my

'who-ha'...not to mention that I will have to pay someone to do this for me! Any comments from the Peanut Gallery???? If you don't know what a Brazilian Wax is...check out this link at Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_waxing

My life is a country song....

Okay, so this is really a silly post, but something that totally annoys me about the MIL is how she is constantly quoting County Music songs. Her favorite quote right now is "Everyone dies famous in a small town." It is a great song and love Miranda Lambert, but every time that MIL makes a quote, I just want to vomit!!!! First of all, she never seems to use the quote with the right context....it reminds me of when Joey keeps using the quotation marks to Ross, yet they are always used at the wrong times. Friends is a comedy on TV....the MIL is NOT a comedian. I think that she is trying to be funny and witty....but it comes across as awkward and embarrassing. I realize this has nothing to do with anything....but it is annoying and I needed to get it off my chest before I exploded at her. She is a huge GAC fan, so I am always hearing about videos. I have told her countless times that I do not watch GAC; but she continues to ask me 'Did you see that new video by....?' I always politely say No, I don't have time to watch GAC. I have a job and a husband and three children and hobbies and a life.....I don't lay around all day and night, watching TV and trying to relate my every move to a Country Music Song or Video. It is really pathetic and sad.....so I am trying to be patient for the hubby's sake. He cannot help that his mother is an emotional mental case and his father is emotionally unavailable.

Speaking of uncontrollable parents.....

Next you have my father who is clueless to life outside of his own little world. He came to town last week to celebrate Karah's birthday. He was at a work conference in Manhattan and thought since he was so close to us (what the f????) that he would come over one evening and visit. The almost 62 year old man got lost leaving Manhattan, so was late to begin with. Then, he took another wrong turn and ended up in Matfield Green before he realized that he missed Highway 50. SERIOUSLY????? He finally arrived at our house shortly after 8 p.m. There is no way that my children could have waited til 8:00 p.m. to eat supper, so I fed them earlier. After visiting for a short while, my father and I left for dinner at Applebee's. He had a gift card, so he wanted to treat me to dinner. My father had been in Manhattan at a conference for his new job....he is an Enumerator for the State of Kansas. I have a business card to prove it. (sarcastic tone) The entire ride over to the restaurant was miserable. He told me, in depth, about the food and breakfast buffet options at his hotel in Manhattan. I also had to hear about the cost of the hotel room and how the State was spending a lot of money on this training. I don't think this man had been inside a hotel, let alone stayed at one in decades. (not joking) Throughout dinner, I had to hear mind-numbing stories about his new job. You would have thought that he was the only person on earth with a job. When the ticket arrived, he handed the waiter his gift card. He was so clueless about how the gift card worked and I was totally embarrassed. Our meal totaled $33, yet the gift card only had $25 on it. He could not understand that he owed the difference. So, he left a $10 and was proud about leaving the waiter a $1.87 tip. WHAT THE???? I still need to go back and leave the poor guy a decent tip. My dad can be kinda rude at times. Plus I was worried that the waiter thought I was his date and not his daughter. My dad has this funky Abe Lincoln beard thing going, so he looks kinda scary and extremely old. When I finally got back home, it was after 10:00 p.m. Seth was still awake and TJ was being an ASS. It was like a twilight zone and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and make the day end. My dad came back into our house and waited while he trucked warmed up. He just stood in my living room while I tried to get Seth settled down for bedtime. TJ hates my father, so he was in the bedroom, being a jerk and refused to help me. Plus, Seth had spilled a cup of milk on our bed, so TJ had stripped down the sheets, but could not find the spare sheets, so he was mad at me for that. I was not even home; yet it was my fault?!?!?!?!? I had to find the sheets, make the bed, get Seth to settle down, all the while my dad is just standing there. It was bizarre. I mean, seriously.....take a seat and relax old man!!!! He finally left and Seth finally calmed down. TJ was still being an ASS...but what's new???? Like I said, he cannot stand my father, so he was pissed off that I agreed to have dinner with the man. Granted, my father only comes around at his convenience, which makes TJ angry. But I see no point in being rude to the man. We only see him a few times a year and visit with him on the phone about once a week. His presence in our lives is minimal.

Is this REALLY what I look like?!?!?!?!?!

Okay, so this is one of the least flattering photos I have seen of myself in recent years. (click on photo to enlarge) Granted, I am not a photogenic person to begin with. I make a much better impression in person. But this photo just sucks!!! It was taken at a Halloween Party this past October. I look like a white-trash wanna-be. I should definitely qualify as a candidate for Extreme Makeover. I could use some cosmetic dentistry, juvederm for the creases around my mouth and some botox for the forehead wrinkles. What you cannot see as well is the double chin that needs some Liposuction. After viewing this photo, I am seriously considering adult braces. I have a consultation in February with a local orthodontist. TJ is being very supportive of my wishes to improve my appearance, so maybe while he is being so generous, I will hit him up for a boob-job and Liposuction around my belly. Having 3 children and nursing the last one has really done a number on this fabulous body of mine! Will someone please submit me for Extreme Makeover???? (I am not kidding)

Happy Monday!

Karah's 1st Birthday Party

So, we had a birthday party for Karah Jo on Saturday, January 26th. I had the party at the Tech College in the conference room, as it was free and allowed us all plenty of space. My little kitchen and living room get pretty tight when you start adding extra people, and then I get stressed out about the tight quarters and someone always turns up the heat! The location was great and the weather was fabulous. I enjoyed my daughter and son and husband. The grandparents also attended the party, which always adds a bit of excitement.

First of all, TJ's mother barely spoke two words to me. She was obviously angry at me, which was fine with me. TJ had ripped her ass earlier in the week about his brother, so she was obviously blaming me for that conversation. Whatever!!! I just ignored her behavior and chatted with my aunt. Now, my aunt proceeds to brag about her upcoming retirement and the 3-week vacation/cruise that they are taking soon and her new bathrooms and home remodel project. My uncle retired last June and has been remodeling their house....it is very nice. But not everyone wants to hear about their fabulous lives and their trips and cruises and their perfect children. TJ's mother talks about how she has recently joined a fitness class at the local community college. I guess she was doing some ab work and after three reps could not get up off the ground and needed help. This woman is obese and I am not being mean. She is huge. So then all of us had this mental image of her laying on the ground....'help, I've fallen and cannot get up'. The conversations continue and my aunt talks about how she throws away everything, so TJ's mother gasps as she keeps everything...so we have to hear all about the Stretch Armstrong doll that she has in it's original box and it is stored in her attic...along with every other toy and memento from TJ's childhood.

We constantly have the war of the overbearing grandmas. My aunt and TJ's mother are both control freaks. My aunt is loud and bossy, while TJ's mother is the queen of manipulation. So both of them are trying to control the party and Seth. In my attempt to cope without alcohol....I eat 2 1/2 pieces of pizza and a huge piece of cake and a huge scoop of ice cream.

Now, you may be asking...where are the men during this excitement. Well, my uncle is bragging about his retirement to TJ's father...while TJ's father proceeds to tell my uncle all about his manic depression...PTSD....and his bowel problems....yes, diarrhea.....I said it!!!! TJ's father blames all of his problem on the Vietnam War and now he is trying to obtain benefits from the VA hospital so that he can retire early. All the while, TJ has quietly stepped outta the conference room down to the media room and the big screen TV to watch the KU game. My brother and his pregnant fiance are there entertaining the children and helping me clean up. Thank God for them!!!

TJ's mother did ask to see my classroom, as we were at the Tech College. She is a former teacher, so I was dreading this situation. I had to hear all about how she taught a 3rd and 4th grade combo class and how she worked 20 hours a day and devoted her lives to her students...just to be fired by the Board. I also had to hear all about Ashton's first birthday party that was 12 years ago! (Ashton is the first born grand child....TJ's niece)

After we finally got the party cleaned up and the stuff loaded, we headed back to my house. My brother and Beth, along with David and Wanda came back to visit. Again, Wanda barely spoke to me and just played with Seth in his bedroom. David, who is practically deaf, watched TV, while TJ and I put together Karah's birthday gifts and chatted with my brother and Beth.

The guests finally left at 4 p.m. The kiddos and I crashed for a nap, while TJ went out scouting for ducks at Melvern Lake. I think we all just needed a break and some down time.

All in all, it was a good day. I could have done without the 'battle of the grandmas' or the diarrhea talk, but I don't think we had any tears, which was a PLUS in my book.

Clothing is Optional....follow up

The Boy Scout returned.....and I bought some microwave popcorn. That is ONE BRAVE SOUL.

Clothing is Optional

I have not had a recent post lately. Trust me, it is not a lack of things to write about, but more about my busy life. At any rate, I have to share this story. I always warn people that clothing is optional at my house. The toddler usually strips down to his underwear the second he walks in the door. He has learned this from his FATHER.....

I was out of town on a business trip and my husband was home with our three children. On Wednesday evening after supper, my husband and my oldest son were in the garage, getting my son ready for a hunting trip this Saturday. The toddler presented himself at the garage door, naked, and informed my husband that he had 'pooped'. Husband followed the toddler back to the bathroom to take care of the wiping. In the meantime, the doorbell rang. Husband being in his underwear, hollered at my oldest son to answer the door. Oldest son was wearing 'waders' and one boot. He hobbled into the living room to answer the door. It was an unsuspecting boy scout selling popcorn. My son invited him into the living room and went back to ask Husband if we needed any popcorn. My husband (being in his underwear) told my oldest son to ask the boy scout to return another evening. My oldest son hobbled back out into the living room and told the boy scout that we did not want anything. My husband then hollered 'come back later', as he cannot tell the little boy scout 'NO', but nor could he venture out in his boxer briefs and review the sales catalog. In the meantime, my naked toddler breaks free from daddy and goes streaking out into the front room, demanding popcorn. The poor boy scout was surely traumatized by all of the red-neck wader-wearing nakedness in my house. All the while, my 9-month old daughter was in the living room, watching all of the action unfold as she played in her exersaucer. Not sure what she was wearing....probably just a diaper!!!